Prisoners get to vote following campaign

History is to be made next month as British prisoners are granted voting rights.

The ground-breaking move follows the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) ruling that the UK’s long-standing voting ban was unlawful and new legislation will come into force at midnight on December 31st.

The move would allow all of the 80,000 inmates in UK prisons, to participate in the great British tradition of reality television and pointless talent shows for the first time. Ministers have been advised that continuing to resist the ruling would lead to costly compensation pay outs.

The ECHR ruling in 2005 considered a “blanket ban” to be discriminatory in a case brought by convicted killer John Hirst, of Hull.

Channel 4 is already believed to be courting Peter Sutcliffe to host ‘X Con-Factor’ from his cell, a show where prisoners hoping for parole face the public vote.

It is thought that as many as 75% of UK prisoners watch shows such as X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing. Big Brother proved unpopular as a concept with inmates; even more so when it became apparent how easy it was to escape from the BB house.

“It was a mug’s game” Said convicted burglar Tony Klepton. “My grandma could have absconded from the BB house.”

Mr Hirst told the BBC News: “”In this system where you’ve got a democracy, people can put pressure and lobby in parliament for changes in the law and improved conditions, but you can’t do that if you haven’t got the vote” he said.

“I also can’t wait for Wagner to be voted off, as he’s not taking the institution of democratic procedure seriously in my opinion.”

It is also alleged that convicted child killer Ian Huntley also wants the Brazillian ex-P.E. teacher gone, and has a particular fondness for 17 year old Cher Lloyd.

X-Factor boss Simon Cowell released this statement on the change: “Sod it, why not? That’s another 500,000 calls each week at £3 a shot, all courtesy of the tax-payer. I’m laughing all the way to the bank. Now fuck off.”

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About Sam Butler

Sam Butler is a journalist and writer from Bristol, UK. He has a degree in Criminology and Journalism from the University of the West of England. He is a staunch opposer of capital punishment and an advocate of penal and criminal justice reform. His first piece of academic work "The Edlington case: The media construction of crime and the role of the public criminologist in the reporting of serious crimes" is available upon request.
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