David Cameron is to introduce a new levy on poverty, in an effort to stem the tide of public spending. The radical move would be the first time ever that people would be charged for the free social service of being broke.
“We live in a time when poverty is everywhere” said Mr Cameron, the youngest prime minister in 200 years. “I think that it is high time that those who have enjoyed poverty for so long be made to shoulder of the cost of that poverty.”
Chancellor, George Osbourne, has backed the Prime Minister and says that a sliding scale would be used to assess how much people will owe.
Those that are just-a-bit-short will pay less, whereas the truly brassic will pay considerably more.
“The profligacy and squander of New Labour is over. Those that have grown fat on the spoils of poverty will no longer be able to bleed the rich and affluent dry.”
The much touted “Robbin’ Robin Hood Tax” will be aimed at only the ‘super-poor’ whom the Coalition say should shoulder the heaviest burden.
Liberal Democrat Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, was unavailable for comment as he was out on the cabinet lunch run. But when asked if his party agreed with the new system, was he selling out his left wing supporters and values.
Mr Clegg’s deputy, the dog from the Churchill Insurance advert, issued this statement: “Oooooh yes” to the former and “Ooooh no, no, no, no” to the latter.
The cost of poverty has risen. But does this mean that those who take advantage of it should be made to pay more for the privilege? If not, who should?
Taxing the balls off commercial banking has been floated, by many, as the answer to every problem from climate change to what to do if a red sock finds its way into a whites wash. So perhaps Mr Cameron and his chums have found the perfect solution to an imperfect problem – let those who seek to benefit from poverty, pay for it.
The Prime Minister summed up by offering a glittering vision of the future: “This system of self-sufficient destitution will let your children and your children’s children be able to enjoy the benefits of abject poverty, for generations to come.”